[epistemic status: think I think is at least partially true, this week.]
[This is one of the fragments of thought that is leading up to some posts on “the Psychology and Phenomenology of Productivity” that I have bubbling inside of me.]
I sometimes find myself feeling “cravy.” I’ll semi-compulsively seek instant gratification, from food, from stimulation from youtube or webcomics, from mastrabation. My attention will flit from object to object, instead of stabilizing on anything. None of that frantic activity is very satisfying, but it’s hard to break the pattern in the moment.
I think this state is the result of two highly related situations.
- I have some need (a social need, a literal nutrient, a sexual desire, etc.) that is going unfullfilled, and I’m flailing, trying to get it. I don’t know what I’m missing or wanting so I’m just scrabbling after anything that has given me a dopamine hit in the past.
- Some relevant part of me currently alives that one of my core goals (not necessarily and IG, but a core component of my path) is impossible, and is panicing. I’m seeing short term gratification because, that part of me (thinks that short term gratification is the only kind that’s possible or is trying to distract itself from the pain of the impossibility.)
(Eli’s notes to himself: Notably, both of these hypothesis sugest that Focusing would likely be effective… – Ah. Right. But I don’t usually do the “clearing a space” step.)